I'm Back!

Once upon a time Rachel Ann was an avid blogger. But is she now? Sadly the answer is no. I feel like I have a lot of posts that say that... Whoops! My bad. Technically it isn't my fault. Okay, it is. But I have good excuses for my absence. The main one is...Are you ready for this? You better be... I am back at the Y of I! Oooh yeah. I'm back in Rexburg going to school! I am so excited. I cannot express how grateful I am to be back at school. It is a wonderful feeling. I am only taking 9 credits (wa wa wa) but it is okay. I was taking more but holy cow Little Miss Survivor here couldn't handle that. My body is still way out of it and recuperating. So instead of struggling and having a crappy GPA and being über stressed I decided to take a lighter load. I feel sort of stupid but it's okay. I am doing what is best for me.

With that I am also living at a brand new place with brand new roommates. I was really worried that I would have crazy roommates and not have a good experience but oh was I wrong! Holy cow I love them! They are so much fun and so kind. The feeling in our apartment is amazing. I quite enjoy living with them. Take a gander below. You can get a little glimpse into our apartment life...

This is us! Aren't we so darn adorable? Yes, the answer is yes.

See how fun we are?! I love us. 

I was worried I would be too goofy for my roommates. Oh, was I wrong. We are the goof troupe.

I truly do believe that I was put with this apartment for a reason. They are so amazing and I feel very blessed to be with them. Especially to have for an amazing room-roommate. She just returned from her mission and she is so much fun. She is just as goofy as me and such a wonderful lady. We have a lot of fun together and get along really well. So basically my roommates are amazing....

Going along with my absence I must inform you that Skyler and I are no longer together. It was a very painful decision but we have decided to no longer be engaged. But at this time it feels like the right thing to do. I know that Heavenly Father is with us. I am very grateful to Sky and all he has done for me and for the chance to be with him. He is an amazing young man. No matter what happens in our futures I will always love him and love what he has done for me. Thanks to everyone for the love and support you have given us.

For now I am just loving being back to school and getting back to normal. I am feeling very blessed and protected. I know that Heavenly Father is with me. I am so grateful to him and for the knowledge that he exists and that I am his daughter. He has taught me so much and has been with me every step of the way and I have been going forward with faith. I keep seeing small results of the decisions I am making and even though growing up and college can be difficult, I feel like I am being guided and protected.

I feel so blessed to finally  be back in Rexburg going to school. I feel like I am in the place I am supposed to and that Heavenly Father is with me. I am so grateful to him for that. I would not be here with out him. With that knowledge I know that I can do anything as long as I have faith and that he is with me.

First Check Up

My first check up went really well. I did have to get my port flushed, but it wasn't as bad as when I was on chemo. It still made me feel all sick and woozy, but it wasn't aaass bad and disgusting. Still gross, but semi tolerable! Woo hoo for not being as susceptible to nasty saline! And usually I am ridiculously ticklish, so when the doctors come at me with their fingers to give me a physical exam, I curl up in a ball at the lightest touch. Buuuut I didn't even wriggle up into a ball!! Hooorah! Cancer cured my ticklishness... Probably not, but it getting better.

The doctor said I was doing good and that I have to come back in three months. So all is well!! I am just recovering now! You would think that since I am done that I get to be free and be able to be normal, but I have to work back to being normal and I still have dips of feeling icky. But I am getting there!

Continue in Patience

Heavenly Father sure knows how to help his children. This Mormon Message has really given me courage and understanding. And above all, it helps me demonstrate patience in my little predicament of a situation. I know everything will be okay.

Cancer Sucks. Choose Hope.

Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike Cancer? Well I do. Frankly I don't think anyone enjoys it, so I think that we are all in agreement. Cancer Sucks. The fact that is sucks though was no reason for me to give in to my natural man and give up, so what I chose hope.

I firmly believe that choosing to be hopeful helped me when I was sick. I think that it also helped me in my well being and maturity. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say "Me, me, me, I'm so great." I'm just trying to convey a little lesson I learned from this experience.

So basically, I think that deciding to be hopeful helped me with my faith and contributed to how I felt from day to day. It is good to recognize that sometimes things "suck" or are not as much fun, but by recognizing it and then pushing through the suckiness can help you feel better.

I think that these button phrases can apply to anything.

__________________ Sucks, Choose Hope.

It might just help you or someone you know. It did with me.

Furrballicious

So here are two current pictures of what I look like now. Well as of 20 minutes ago. It may be longer now because it is a fast growing machine! No longer am I the adorable bald girl you loved and adored. Now I am the adorable furry girl you love and adore even more than you ever thought you could. I have taken to combing it and pulling it back because it is so tangly and is always in my face. That is kind of annoying I must admit. Ha ha.

Get a good look at that full luscious head of hair!! See the soft sparkle and shine? Oh yeah. It is really thick and way dark!! It hasn't shown any signs of being curly, but there it still really early to tell. Doesn't it look good? I have been getting into this habit of twisting little sections between my fingers when I think or when I drive. My uncle told me if I do that then it will become a habit when I have long hair again, so hopefully it won't become a habit. I just like to feel that I have hair again is all.

I hope you enjoyed these pictures as much as I enjoy not being bald. Which is a lot.

Update

Once upon a time I used to be an avid blogger, dedicated to letting the world know about how I was doing with my cancerous life. I formally apologize for the lapse in my bloggage. I assume since you are reading this, that you want to know how I am doing. Well I am doing much better. Not having medicine or radiation in your body sure does make a difference in how you feel. I am slowly recovering from my time as a bald cancerous person.

So here is a little update on my non cancerous life: After finishing my last treatments and being faced with the fact of being free, I found myself feeling like a small little animal left out in the jungle with no one to care for me, frozen and frightened of my future. It truly is a scary thing going from having someone and everyone telling what to do and what not to do, to then not having anyone tell you what to do. Seriously, picture yourself in my position. See? Scary isn't it.

Health wise, I am really weak. Just trying to climb out of being sick and become healthy. I get really tired a lot, and sometimes I have little waves of feeling sick, but it isn't nearly as bad as chemo. (I doubt any sickness I have in the future will be that bad. *knock on wood...) It is really hard to breath sometimes, and I get winded often. But, I am getting better slowly but surely.

For awhile I was a little peeved that my trusted doctors didn't prepare me better for after being sick. But then I realized, it is just their job to get rid of it, not to show me how to live after it. So I am figuring it out for myself. I have started doing the Y-Be-Fit program at BYU, and have gotten a gym pass. Y-Be-Fit is a a program then helps teach you techniques to be more healthy through nutrition and exercise. They motivate, teach, and help you with goals you want to accomplish for optimum health.

So that is where I am at right now. Just trying to become normal. Oh life is still frustrating because I won't know where I am at until my PET scan in December, but I am just trying to be brave and patient, and then I can move on with my life. I have faith that everything will be okay.

Enough of the wa, wa, wa and onto the good stuff. I am going back to school in January!! How great is that?! Of course I am going up while it is Siberian weather, but I am super excited. I even have a 100% in my online science class! Plus I am still working and I just got a second job at the BYU bookstore doing gift wrap, so things are pretty good. Plus! I have been seeing Skyler lots and are you ready for this, I have a thick full head of hair!! Yeah, I am a furry little girl. It is so soft and feels like a little animal. I love it. Skyler and I tried to do a mohawk the other day, but it is still too short to style. But it was still fun. Soon I'll be braiding it and pig tailing away.

So there is my little update. I hope you enjoyed and that you are now currently feeling at peace from finally hearing from me. I shall try my best to be better at it. Have a wonderful day everyone!

Zapped like a Bug

So now that I have returned to the blogging world fuzzier than ever, I shall not waste time in making excuses like I had radiation, work, homework and a lot of nap time, because that would not excuse my neglect to this blog. What I shall do instead is just tell you about my radiation. Basically the only way to fully have you understand is to watch this short clip from A Bug's Life. It describes what happens perfectly. I am convinced that they put this part into the movie for the sole purpose as to explain my situation. Plus it is very funny. Watch and then continue reading....

So now that you have watched the short little mosquito zapping clip, you now understand how I have felt every day for the last month. Just kidding. It is not that serious, do not be afraid. I cannot feel anything when I get zapped. I just lay still on a table, the radiation technicians line me up with marking lines according to my tattoos, and put a mask on my face so I stay still.

Then they leave the room. I then hear a buzzing sound twice which means they are "zapping" me. (In between the two zaps they put a steel plate on the machine where the radiation comes out so that it levels out the dosage more.) Then the top of the machine revolves around me while they raise the bed I lay on, and it starts again. See? Nothing to it.

This is what I look like every morning. My ensemble includes the lovely hospital gown and robe. They have dressing rooms with lockers and a separate waiting room for the patients. Basically I am part of the VIP section. For my radiation I have to pull down the top of my gown so that they can line me up exactly. Kind of embarrassing and revealing, but they are very respectful and keep me covered up with a sheet.

Now this next picture may freak some of you out, as I look like I am in a horror movie. Don't worry though. I am not being hurt at all. This is just an angle of me on the bed and the technicians doing all of the technical stuff to make sure that I have the right dosage, and that I am line up correctly (See the red lines on me? That is how they can tell I am lined up exactly.)

Here is a close up of my mask. They told me I get to bring it home. I plan on either hanging it on my wall as a trophy, or using it as a spaghetti strainer. The green line on it is to help them know that they are lining me up correctly. (There is the white sheet I was describing that covers me up.)

This next picture is me laying on the the table under the machine. The bottom part of the machine that is right above me, is where the radiation comes out. There are little "tong like" things that fit together and move according to what my dosage is. Where the opening is at is where the radiation comes through onto my body.

As the machine rotates underneath me, the bottom part of the machine swivels so that the dosage is correct on the other side as well. (I lay on a glass type bed so the radiation can get through and hit my body.)

If you look closely at my feet, you can see a large rubber band tied around my shoes so that my feet stay still. If I have learned anything through out this whole process, it is that I need to stay perfectly still all the time when being treated. I have gotten very good at it if I do say so myself.

This has been a really watered down version of what radiation is like. I apologize, but at least you have an idea of what is like.

Now regarding the side effects, all I really have experienced is being extremely tired. I lay down way tired, close my eyes for a second and I wake up two hours later feeling like only a second has gone by and still feel really tired.

They told me that I would experience slight sunburn effect in the treated area. I hadn't really noticed anything until the other day when I noticed that my skin was tender and itchy. Then I noticed after a non lady like itch to my under arm that I had a HUGE massive red mark in my pit! That freaked me out a bit, I'm not going to lie. As I have never had a sunburn in my arm pit (I doubt you have either) I thought to myself, "Great, now I have leprosy on top of cancer."

But instead of fretting about it, I asked one of the technicians about it and they said that it was because my arm is creased so that the radiation hits it more (At least that is what I heard.) I guess this is a good thing because that is where I found the cancer in the first place. Get it double good so we can be done with it I say!

So basically I am going to have a tan in my arm pit, which is another thing to go on my advantage list. I never thought I would be putting aloe vera in my arm pit, or scratching it like a monkey on a regular basis.

Tomorrow is 20/20 for my radiation. I will be 100% done with all treatments. This brings much relief. I am very excited that my cancer will be all gone. I am terrified that it will come back again, but I cannot live in fear. I am going to go forward with faith and do all in my power to keep myself health and cancer free.

The Return of the Fuzzball

Drum roll please... Dun dun dun dun da da daaaa!!! I have returned. I know my blogging presence was missed tremendously by all, but no fear my little flock, I am back. Not only am I back, I have a few announcements. Can you guess what these announcements may be? Okay I'll tell you.

For the most important announcement, you should all be extremely happy to hear that I have only ONE, let me repeat, OOONNNNEEE treatment of Radiation left. And for the other announcement.. This little piggy has hair!!! That's right Rachel Ann Fischer has hair on the top of her head, and it is thick, long and luscious. Well, maybe not exactly like that, but close. I can put a bobby pin in it though. So that counts. Soon, I will put my hair in pig tails. Then I shall braid it, and comb it. Oh the options are endless.

Funny thing is, I get bed head in the morning and I have cowlicks. It looks like it is coming in even darker, and possibly curly as well. Most importantly I am one day away from saying goodbye to cancer for good!! Wooooo!!

Presenting the world's cutest fuzzball.

Today's Blessing

Once upon a time... Rachel totally got a car today!! Well, Rachel and her brother Micah, but Micah can't drive yet, so Rachel totally got a car today!! My parents drove up in a silver car this morning and I asked whose car it was. They looked at each other, then looked at us, then said the most magical words ever, "It's yours." AAAAAAAAHH!!!! Immediately cheering and celebrating occurred as Micah and I jumped up and down and thanked our parents. Then we promptly got in the car and took it for a spin. It is a silver 2000 Toyota Avalon. Ooooh yeah. Who's driving in style now? That's right. The bald girl. Be jealous. I know I would be if I had hair and didn't have a car.I'm so excited, now I can drive up to Rexburg to see Skyler and all of my other friends! Yay!

My parents decided to get another car because I have to go to work and get radiation treatment every day, and it would cause a lot of problems transportation wise. Also for Micah to learn on. Plus, they had a frustrating day related to our car and truck the other day, so that influenced them to get another car. It is a major blessing that is for sure.

I start my radiation treatment on Tuesday. I went for my run through yesterday and they showed me everything that is going to happen. I think I will take pictures for everyone to see. The technicians are very kind and I get to look at a landscape picture on the ceiling. They marked me with marker and took a picture to show the radiologist where exactly the treatment will be, and I told them that that was the most revealing picture I have ever had taken of me. (Or ever again, thank you very much!) They just laughed. I think that they will become my friends. I can already tell because they laugh at my jokes.

I am feeling very well. It is amazing how not having drugs and steroids in your system makes you feel healthy. Hooray for no chemo! I can't say that enough. I had to get my blood drawn yesterday, and they had to flush with the nasty heparin. Lame. Sauce. It only made me throw up a little bit though, and they got my port on the 1 1/2 time they tried. (They had to wiggle the needle around a bit. That numbing cream is a life savor, I'll tell you what.) My iron levels are always low, but I already knew that, but now I have found out that I have low D levels as well. So I have to take some pills to boost that so I can be healthy. I could just go tanning, but that could lead to cancer, and we don't want that again now do we? No, no. (Plus every time I have gone I get itchy, and hardly any color. I am just an itchy albino. A bald one at that. But my freckles make me look kinda tan... Not really.)

So all in all, I am well. I am steadily getting better, and soon this will all be a thing of the past. I can tell that I have changed though. Comparing myself now to how I was at the beginning, is so different. But in a good way. Heavenly Father has been with me and has helped me in ways I never knew possible. I am so grateful to him. Aaah!! I love him!! He is so great!

A Cute Little Tune

Skyler sang this little tune to me today. It is to the tune "In Our Lovely Deseret" because I was humming it on the phone to him earlier. (I am a dork and come up with little songs to hymns, so now he does too. We're cute.) It kind of sums up our feelings of having Chemo over with...

You should have got treatment today but it is over yay hooray!

Now you are the cutest bald girl in the world!!

I will kiss you on the face, then i'll challenge you to a race,

To the temple and be sealed for eter-nity

(Sound effect: bum bum bum bum, chii chii-Symbols)

(Now here is where I come in, insert lots of sound effects here...)

HARK HARK HARK the children singing,

Rachel is over Chemooooo...

She beat Hodgkin's Lymphoma and is happy as can be,

Ha ha, take that Cancer, now I can be freeeeee!

If the song doesn't really make sense, then that is okay. You get the point. If you ever see me, I shall sing it to you. But it was great coming up with it! I quite enjoyed it.

Ha, aren't we cute? Yes, yes we are.

Happy-Happy

Besides the health stuff, I am doing alright. I am really bummed that I can't go back to Rexburg, and I'm trying really hard to be happy about my situation, and to get out and do things. I have been so scared that I will be alone and forgotten, and have no friends. So I have been having a prayer in my heart that I can make friends. And do you know what? My prayers are being answered. I am starting to make friends down here and have been going out to do things.

Last week, I went on an adventure to Salt Lake with some girls that were on my soccer team forever ago and that I went to high school with, and with one of their cousin's. It was so much fun. We went to Decades, DI, and the Gateway mall. Decades is this crazy vintage store with clothing and accessories from every decade since like the 40's to the 80's. HOOOLYY snot, it is an amazing store. DI is Deseret Industries, and the Gateway mall is an outdoor mall! And at that mall was Anthropologie. I have never been to the actual store, just dreaming online. I was in heaven!

Observe the pictures below. Not only am I adorable, but I must tell you that I bought this William Sonoma popcorn bowl at DI for $1.00!!! I was so excited. I have been wanting one of these for a long time, and I was excited to get it for mine and Skyler's future home. I love popcorn, so this will give me more reason to eat it. It will taste better because it is in a cute bowl.

Then this week, I was able to go see Confessions of a Shopaholic. (One of my favorites) at an outdoor movie in Provo with a girl in my branch. It was amazing! Usually people don't understand my jibberish noise making that I do in conversation, but she did! She does the same thing! Then we hung out the other night with two other people from our branch and we all had a spectacular time!

These experiences really and truly have been answers to my prayers. Now I don't feel like I will be alone. I can enjoy my time I have down here. This brings me such comfort. I know that Heavenly Father truly cares about me and is listening to my little prayers. Even just a small thing like me saying "Please help me find friends and help me be happy." I am so blessed.

Even though I can't go back to Rexburg and live the life I want to and be with my friends, I can still grow, and enjoy life down here aaand have friends!! I am very grateful for that. Yay for friends and Heavenly Father!!! Hip hip hooray!