This is the first post that I have actually contributed to my blog, but I thought it would be good to say something and get my feelings out there and be a blogger. I want to be able to let who ever reads this to know how I feel and how cancer is effecting my life. Be warned though, rambling may occur, sarcasm may not translate well, and my thoughts will be all over the place, and some things might not make sense. I blame it on the chemo-brain (it is a real thing! Look it up.) But you are reading this, so you must be interested in some way still. So here I go, I'll blog my little heart out for you. I hope you enjoy, feel free to comment if you like.
Contrary to common belief, Cancer is not as glamorous as it appears to be. Oh sure, you get special treatment such as being waited on hand and foot, also you get loads of friends and gifts that you never probably would have had if you hadn't gotten it in the first place. And you've probably heard about the hair falling out? Well, let's say I've never taken a quicker shower and it is nice not to have to do my hair in the morning. Having no hair to look at gives me a chance to how down right good looking I really am.
You get to stay in bed and sleep as much as you would like as well. I get to watch all the movies I like and I have little responsibility. Hey, I even got a fiancé! I mean come on, you wish to have those things happen to you any way, I am lucky. All of this has happened to me. I should've gotten cancer a long time ago. (There is the sarcasm I was talking about. Please don't be offended.)
It is a huge emotional roller coaster. I have to prepare myself mentally for Chemotherapy which in itself is exhausting, then receiving the chemo isn't too bad. The only thing I do not like is that it takes a couple pokes to find my port, and when they flush the medicine after taking blood and administering the drugs I get a sick taste/smell in my mouth that almost makes me throw up (the very thought of it is making me sick) but we figured out a trick to make it so that I don't have to taste it. I just pop a mint or gum into my mouth while they flush and it isn't as bad-which is a blessing.
After the chemo I get sick. Almost like the flu, but a little different. I sleep a lot then toward the fourth day I just feel "car sick". Then after the sick days I just get emotional. I feel like crying all the time, then being me I try to fight it because I am stubborn, but I cry anyway. After the emotional days I get a bit disgruntled. But after this, I feel much stronger spiritually and emotionally. Then I get hit with another round and I go through the routine again. Good thing my body's learning curve makes me stronger and stronger each time.
Despite all the crappy stuff that happens to me during my treatment, I have a lot to be grateful for. I learn more every time and feel like I am becoming a better person. (Too bad I couldn't figure this stuff out without having to get cancer, ha ha. At least I'm figuring it out someway).
I know that I will get through this tough little bump in my life and I will be able to be the person that I want to be. I have been given an opportunity to grow and learn, and by golly I am going to do it. Then when I am all cured I will have gotten something out of this icky experience! I know it is going to be okay. I have a very peaceful feeling in my heart that it is okay. I am a lucky kid. I could have something way worse happen to me. I could be like one of the people on the Discovery channel or TLC where they have weird diseases like being a tree or being really hairy all over their face-I'm the opposite of that. I'm as bald as can be.
The truth is, I am sick. But I will get better. I am not dying. I am being treated. I am healthy besides this little infirmity. I am coming closer to my Heavenly Father. I am so grateful to know that he is there and that he loves me.
I truly am blessed to be having this experience. It is really hard on me emotionally and physically I'm not going to lie. But I am learning some amazing things about life and about myself. I am so lucky to have a family who loves me and an amazing fiancé who take care of me and support me. I would not be able to do this without them. I feel as though the world is spinning around me at an out of control speed, but they keep me standing firm and thinking clearly throughout the whirling and twirling. I am so grateful to them for that.
I have so many blessings in my life that this cancer really doesn't seem like that big of deal. It has no power over my life. It is like a bruise. Painful at first, but you get used to it. And before you know it, it's all gone. It's like it was never there.
I thought I would explain a little about Rachel's porta-cath. It is a device that is placed under her skin that will allow quick and easy access by the nurses for any kind of bloodwork or chemo. It is a small round disk that is about 1/2" thick. Attached to the disk is a catheter that is threaded through a vein up towards her clavicle and then over and down towards her heart. The benefit to having a port is that she won't have to be poked with a needle each time they need to draw blood or have an IV. The picture shows what they use each time to draw blood and administer the chemotherapy (one poke - not two or three or four).