Psych!

Do you know what tomorrow is? I shall tell you what tomorrow is! Tomorrow is a day that I don't have to have Chemotherapy!!!! The last six months my mind and body has been used to being sick every two weeks, but ha ha... PSYCH!!! You aren't going to be sick body! Ba ha!! Prepare for a non sick day!! Woohoo!!

I will have to go back to Central Utah to go through my "dry run" for radiation. They are going to have me go and have all of the things I will be doing for the next couple weeks, but without the zap. I have to get my blood drawn before I go through it too. I was so so so disappointed that I have to still use my port and get flushed, but it will be okay. I will deal with it. But once this is all over, that sucker is coming out. I think I even get to keep it. If so, I shall hang it on my rear view mirror. Okay, maybe not. That might be a little gross...

Even though I am not getting chemo tomorrow, my body still thinks it is. Each time before my treatments, I would start to feel a little off in expecting the nasty drugs. So that it is doing now. My stomach is a little off, and my mouth tastes gross, but it is okay because I'm not going to get sick!! Saturday will be longest I have been healthy for more than two weeks in these six months!! I'm so excited.

Catch Up: Radiation

I'm going to play a little bit of catch up here. So forgive me if this post is long. My laptop died, therefore my mourning has inhibited my ability to get used to a normal keyboard, not sitting Indian style/laying on my back while typing, and also to update my cancer situation to all the blogging world.

(Side note: I had my brother help me take my parents computer monitor and put it on the ground so I could sit how I normally do when I am on my computer. So as I am writing this, I am on the ground comfortably typing. Oh the sacrifices I make for my beloved blog.)

So after my last chemo, I met with a Radiology Oncologist. He is a tad bit different from Dr. Wallentine. He is more shy and doesn't really kid around. When they told me that I would have to get tattooed for radiation, I was a little disappointed. So to make myself feel better, I joked to him and his assistant, "Well it is a good thing that I'm pretty freckly huh? That way they will just blend in." Cricket-Cricket... Cricket-Cricket.... "Ha, ha, get it? I have freckles." NO reaction. But oh well, it's okay. I thought I was pretty funny.

But aside from his no sense of humor towards my situation, he was still a good guy. He showed me my scans to show me where exactly I will be radiated. He then explained to me more fully about what was going to happen, and how long the radiation will be. He was very good to answer all of my questions and to let me know exactly what would be happening.

Basically I will have radiation five days a week for four weeks. This making a grand total of 20 radiation zaps. Each session will only be about 15 minutes. So it is not as near as intense as Chemotherapy. The effects will not nearly as bad as well. I may get a "sunburn" type look to my skin on the spots that they target. I may get a soar throat because they are going along my esophagus. I also may have a small upset stomach. Overall, the radiation will make me tired. I will take being tired over being disgustingly sick any day, thank you very much.

After meeting with him, I sort of feel like I did at the beginning of my cancer. Getting sent to different appointments, feeling apprehensive, frustrated, full of questions, and slightly scared. It is like I am starting the whole process over again. It just felt like finishing my chemo would be the end, but I am just preparing for a whole new treatment process. So my patience is being tested just a little more. I'm okay with it though. Just as long as they make me completely better so I won't ever have to deal with it again. And 20 times for 15 minutes is not bad at all. I can manage that. No big deal.

So what is radiation you may ask. How is it different from Chemotherapy? Well I shall tell you.

With Chemotherapy, they administer the drugs through my veins using IV's and syringes. Radiation is more like a CT scan where you lay flat and still on a bed with a machine. The machine then revolves around me. They line me up exactly the same way each time and shoot a "laser beam" at a direct spot each time. Hence the tattoos. This way they will radiate the same spot each time.

To make me stay as still as possible they make a mask that molds to my face. They attach the mask to the bed to keep my head still. To make the mold, they put this fish net plastic over my face. It was warm so they could mold it exactly to my face. It was so weird. They even cut holes for eyes in it. It looks like a hockey mask. I felt like I was in a Sci-fi movie having a warm plastic thing on my face and then laying really still on a bed while a machine whirred around me. To comfort myself and calm down, I just kept thinking it was like a really radical day spa. Day spa's are good. It is just like a radiation day spa. Oooh la la, lucky me.

Now onto the tattoos. Before I went I was imagining that it would be like a tattoo parlor with a huge gun and that it would hurt really bad. I didn't know that when I went to the clinic that they had their own personal tattoo parlor in the building as well. That isn't how it was at all. They just lined me up where they want me to be zapped, and marked me with magic marker. After this, they put ink on my skin and a little needle poked into my skin. It didn't even hurt. Just a little pinch was all. They gave me four total. One on my chest, one a little bit above my stomach, and one on each of my sides on my ribs. Pretty hard core if I do say so myself.

When they "inked me," I told them that I wanted a panther. But instead the marks are really small. Just like a black freckle.

They are about this big ---> . Basically a microscopic panther.

So now when I am older I am going to say, "Back in my twenties I was a little rebellious. I shaved my head, and got four tattoos." Ha, ha. It will be great.

I will be starting radiation in the next couple weeks. I have to go back to have another run through and make sure everything is lined up exactly then the zapping will begin a few days later. I am nervous, but ready to be done. It will be good. I am almost completely done with this whole process. I know that Heavenly Father is with me and will continue to comfort me as I go through this process. Knowing that makes this so much more bearable. I am so grateful to Him for that. I love him, and I know that He loves me. And no amount of chemo or zappage will change that. Everything is going to be okay.

Pictures

So here are some pictures I forgot to put with my last post. They are from my last treatment day.

On the way to the Clinic. Thumbs up for Chemo

This one is my favorite. My mom going "WOOOO!!!! We're Done!!!"

Me getting my last treatment. Hoooorah!

Fair thee well Chemotherapy. You have been so good to me. Thank you for making me better. I am sorry to say that I hope to never be acquainted with you again. Thanks for the memories.

Big X, Little o, Rachel

No Mo Chemo!

So it is official! I have completed all of my chemotherapy treatments. I have done 12/12 thank you very much. It is so crazy to believe that I done. I don't have to feel sick anymore!!! I meet with a radiologist on Monday to talk about radiation.

You are probably wondering why I need radiation even though I did chemo and that it is done. It is because I have "bulky disease." That is when the lymph nodes haven't shrunk all the way down. It is also because the PET scan can only see so much, but they can't see the itty bitty cells that may or may not still have bad cells. So they are just going to finish the job and make me all better!

I can't believe that I have gotten through all of the icky chemo... This whole experience has seemed like it has dragged on and at the same time looking back it seems so fast! I mean it was only February that I found out I had cancer, and then I stared Chemo in March. I am so grateful that I was able to find out about it when I did, and that the seas parted for me to go to doctor's appointments and scans. I am very grateful for Dr. Wallentine and the medicine that I have been given to get better. I am very blessed.

I am just so so so SOO glad that I am done with Chemotherapy. I could not get through this without my friends, family, fiance, and Heavenly Father. I have been strengthened beyond all explanation, and I am so grateful for the support and grace that have been given to me. It has been a hard journey, but it is over.

All I have to do now is just take what I have learned from this experience and move on with my life. I learned so much and I am excited to share it with the world. I want to give back and help others the way that I have been helped. I can't wait to see what is in store for me. I know that I will have Heavenly Father with me and he will help me with everything. I know this with all my heart.

Next week we are going to have "No Mo Chemo" party after I am feeling better. I can finally yell to the world...

No Mo Chemo!!! Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap...

No Mo Chemo!!! Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap...

YIPPEE!!!! Insert happy dance here..

One More...

One more. That is all I have left. Just one more. It is a bittersweet feeling. On the one hand, I will be done. On the other, I have to be sick again. At this moment, I am not looking forward to it and I can't really think about the being sick part. But just knowing that only have one more left makes it easier. I really hope that I won't be sick for the whole week and that I'll be able to eat.

It is a good feeling to think that I will be done with this awful stuff. Cancer is a non lady like term, that is for sure. It is no picnic. And if it was, then it would be a miserable disgusting picnic. Sometimes I feel like it has taken everything away from me. I know that is irrational, but that is how it feels, and it is the only way I can explain it. These thoughts are only when I am "feeling sorry for myself," or when I am wallowing. But I have learned a lot from this experience and will continue to learn for the rest of my life. So really, it hasn't taken everything away. It has just been getting in my way.

Yes, my life has been put on pause. Yes, I cannot attend school in the Fall. Yes, I am away from my fiance. Yes, I am bald, and my body is not the way I want it to be. Yes, I have troubles physically and mentally now. Yes, I cannot do the things I wish I could. Yes, I am scared to death that my cancer will return later in life. And finally: Yes, I am not normal and cannot have a normal life.

There are many more yeses to add to this list, but I shall stop. It isn't solving anything to make a "Woe is Me List." All of these things break my heart and are really hard on me, and nag at me every day, I cannot lie. But that is how my life is right now. I really don't want to accept that, but I need to, and adapt to my new life.

Let's Turn This Frown... Upside Down!!

So instead of a "Woe is Me List," and taking the easy way out in this situation, I shall push through this. I will work on making a "Wow is Me List." This way I can realize all of the really truly amazing things in my life. And to tell you the truth, it really bothers me when people "wa, wa, waaa" about their life when they don't need to. But by making the "Woe is Me List" makes me a hypocrite. Which means I am indulging and not pushing myself to grow and see the great things in my life, and ultimately annoying myself. So that is my goal. I shall make a "Wow is Me List" and add to it every day. Every time I think of a woe, I will replace it with one or more wow's. This way I can truly appreciate the blessings that Heavenly Father has given me.

I think if I do this, then I will be able to recover better and to be closer to the Spirit and be able to make important decisions better. Not to mention I will be happier and more peaceful. That is something I really want in my life. So by golly, I am going to do it. It might be hard at times, and I will want to just give up and take the easy way out, but I am determined to do this and to make myself and others around me be happy.

New Goal: Woe is Me=Wow is Me

By just changing one thing in my life, or one letter in a word, will make me

and the people around me happier. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.

So bring it on world. Bring. It. On.

Tomorrow will be quite the eventful day. I really hope that I will never ever ever ever ever ever have to deal with having cancer again. I am very scared of having radiation as well, but after that is over, I will be freeeee!!! So wish me luck! I hope it all goes well and that I only get poked once, and that the Peter Pan medicine does it's job by making me more calm.

Eye Doctor Appointment

Lately I have been experiencing blurry vision in the upper left part of my right eye. The only way I can describe what it is like is kind of like a migraine when you have silver spots in your vision. Or when you are looking through a camera and there is a smudge on the lens.

I told Dr. Wallentine about it and he looked at my eyes (he usually does this anyway, but this time he looked closer) and told me that I should go see an Optometrist. And who is the best eye doctor around? Simple! Dr. Traer Caywood. He was my dad's old mission companion, our old bishop, and our neighbor. So I have known him since I was little, and I knew he could tell me what was going on with my eye.

It was basically like any other eye check up plus a little more intense stuff. We went through the letters, the eye puff, the depth perception, and all of those other tests. I was fine on all counts. Then he dilated my eyes to get a better look into them. They then took pictures of the inside of my eyes, and the back of my retina. It was kind of cool. I had to look into this big camera type thing and look at a stationary light while all of these other lights were dancing around it. Then there was a HUGE circular flash that took the picture.

When he examined the pictures he found a little spot on my retina. He said that it could have been caused by the chemotherapy and that it should go away. He sent me to a retina specialist just to get a closer look. We went while I was still dilated so that they could just keep looking without having to dilate me again.

By the time we got there though, my eyes had started to go back to normal. So they had to dilate them again. They took more pictures and put it into the computer to show us what the side of my retina looked like. They showed me that there is a "cottonwool" (I think that is how you spell/say it) spot that is raised up on my retina. This is the spot that I am probably seeing in my vision.

Luckily, both Traer and the Retina specialist said that it should disappear as I stop the chemo and get better. The specialist also said that he didn't think that it was more cancer. I have to go back in two months for a follow up to make sure.

It was really good to go see them and figure out what is going on with my vision. Also that I won't have to have glasses. They also said I have 20/20 vision, which I think is good, so that is something to be happy about as well!

It was really cool to go and see all the equipment and the eye doctor had. That is what Skyler wants to do is to be an Optometrist, so it was really cool to imagine him doing all the eye stuff. It was really cool to see all that and to know that I am going to be okay.

Old Picture: Normal pupil size. Normal Lashes. Normal Rachel

Today's pupil size. They have gone down a bit. They are still huge though.

Observe: Eyelashes sparser than previous picture. Sad Day.

Me looking totally awesome in the shades I got

from the eye doctor. Oh yeah. I look like a bug-eyed alien/turtle.

I look pretty cool though if I do say so myself. I'm going to start a trend.

Don't you wish you were as cool as me? Yeeeeah boy....

Look Good, Feel Better

One of the services that the Central Utah Clinic provides is a class called "Look Good, Feel Better." It is a class that teaches women makeup tips and tricks. For a person who has never been the best at applying makeup, and one who doesn't like to wear a lot of makeup, I was a bit skeptical about attending. But as I have slowly seen my face change and watched my eyebrows and eyelashes disappear, I thought it might be a good idea to go after all.

I went to the meeting and was just planning on sitting in the back and observing, but it ended up being about six women sitting around a table. By looking at their faces, I could tell that each of them was as nervous, insecure, and skeptical as I was.

We were each given a bag that coordinated with our specific skin tone that contained a ton of makeup. I was scared at first, because like I said, I don't wear a ton. But I was also really excited to learn how to use makeup. All of the stuff in the bag honestly helps me look better. All of it was donated by different brands, like Mary Kay, Chanel, and some other ones you don't find in a department store.

The instructors were really kind and sensitive to all of our insecurities. They really knew what they were talking about and were able to answer all of our questions. The tips and tricks they gave us were amazing! I really learned a lot about how to make my face look normal while I am sick and recovering. They also taught us some really cool tricks to do with scarfs and the bottom half of a t-shirt.

Toward the end of the class, all of us were more relaxed and more confident. It really did make a difference in how I felt. It was really great to take part in that service that they provided and to feel better. It is hard to explain exactly the kind of way you look at yourself when you are sick.

It was also nice to talk to some of those women. It was nice to have someone who understands what I am going through, and to give advice and information that I know. The best part was, the tricks they taught me don't include as much makeup as I thought it would, so it isn't like I am making myself look like a painted barbie every day.

I am glad I went. I really did look good and feel better. Heck, I bet these tricks will make me look super good after I get better.

Letter to Cancer

Dear Cancer,

I thank you kindly for your visit to my body, and for allowing me to learn and grow. I am proud to say that I am a better person because of you. But I would highly appreciate if you would leave. Forever. I am not sorry to say that you have overstayed your "welcome."

I have been very patient and kind, but now you must leave.

Please and thank you.

Yours Truly,

Rachel

Everybody's Doing It

Speaking of hair, I was checking out my Yahoo! news and I came across some recent pictures of celebrities who have chopped their hair. I was so excited! Now I can have more inspiration for what my hair can be.

As I was perusing through these pictures, I saw Emma Watson! AKA, Hermione Granger. My lovely Harry Potter princess cut off her hair! And she still looks beautiful with her pixie cut. Check it out!

Since they are doing it, now everyone else will!

"But everybody's doing it mom!"

"If someone told you to jump off of a cliff, would you?"

"Yes."

*This only applies to cutting your hair, I don't actually advise or encourage jumping off of cliffs just because someone says so.

So now that everyone is going to cut their hair, I will just sit back, relax and wait for mine to grow back in. Basically, I have set a trend.

Yes siree, I am going to fit in quite nicely when my hair grows back in. Quite nicely indeed. Happy day for me! Now everyone will have short hair, and I will just fit in instead of sticking out like a molting fuzz ball.

Aren't you inspired to cut your hair? I thought so. So come one, come all, grab your clippers, your shears, your buzzers and combs. For tonight we cut!

I Finally Ate!

As I said in my Eleven Down, One to Go post a couple days ago, I have been struggling with having to eat. So, I just haven't. I have probably eaten the total of three small meals since Friday. Not so good.

Have you ever seen Pirates of the Caribbean? You know the part where Barbossa tells Elizabeth Swann about the curse? He explains that food turns to ash in their mouths when they eat. That is how I feel. Since the chemotherapy kills all fast growing cells-good and bad-it in turn kills my taste buds. I also get a metallic taste in my mouth, and occasionally mouth sores. This makes the flavors and textures of food totally wrong. Then when it finally slides down my gullet and into my stomach, it doesn't sit right. So all of this combined into one, makes for not a pleasant eating experience

So last night, after my not eating phase, I finally decided that I would give into my hunger while I had the chance. So around 11:00 at night, I texted Rachelle and we decided to go get something to eat, and "make memories" as Rachelle said. As the true Springvillians we are, where do you suppose we went? That's right. Beto's.

Beto's is the place to be in Springville. Ask anyone and they will tell you. It not only has good food, it is inexpensive and open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Which is lucky for us, because it was almost midnight at that point.

Since it is such a hopping place, we (and by "we," I mean Rachelle) decided to go through the drive-through.

This is Rachelle leaning way out of the window to order our food.

It was really funny to see. Then when she pulled up to the pick up

window, she was about five feet away from it.

Rachelle eating her taquito. I'm sure she is super happy that I am posting

these pictures. She knows I love her though. Plus, I warned her.

My taquito's and I. This is proof that I finally ate.

Oh they have the best guacamole... Beto's just hits the spot sometimes.

Shell and I. I know it doesn't look that appetizing all squished together,

but oh ho ho, that is where you are very wrong.

So I am very proud of myself for finally eating. I feel a lot better now that I have. Beto's saves the day once again! Thank you Rachelle for "making memories" with me, and for supporting me on my way to healthiness.

I Can't Wait to Have a Bad Hair Day

For the majority of the twenty (almost one-holy cow!) years I have been alive, I have had long hair. Oh there have been a few chops here and there, but nothing really too extreme, like say... Shaving your head on a regular basis. So it has been very hard to get used to having no hair.

Rewind: Here is a glimpse of the adorable child I was in Kindergarten. Complete with luscious long locks. Aren't I just the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Now fast forwarding: Here is a little looksie at what I looked like just two years ago. Yes, times have changed. I look just a smidge of an inch different than I did at the end of high school.

Do you see that beautifully long, luscious, honey nut brown hair? Oh how I miss it... Doesn't just one look make you want to reach out and touch it? I know it does for me! This was about the length I was going for before I got sick. I am hoping to eventually get it back to that length after my hair grows back.

Since I cannot instantly put my hair back into place, I shall be patient, and have smaller hopes and goals until the day when I can finally have my luscious locks back where they belong-attached firmly to my scalp.

Small Hope #1:

I hope that when my hair begins to grow back, that it will look like Natalie Portman's after she shaved it for V for Vendetta. See how pretty she looks with just a bit of stubble? Hopefully I will look as good as her, or better. Either one works for me! Just as long as I can rock the fuzz.

See? Even when it is growing back in, she looks lovely!

Small Hope #2:

Ultimately I really want my hair to look like Carrey Mulligan's. You might recognize her as Kitty from the newer Pride and Prejudice and also as Shia Lebeouf's girlfriend. She chopped her hair off, and it looks so darling. I hope that I can get mine to look like hers while my hair is in the "in between-new hair/fuzz-new texture-new color-phase."

Small Hope #3:

This is what I hope my hair looks like after the awkward stages of hair growth. I think that it will look really cute. Maybe this will be the length my hair will be when I get married. And who knows, maybe I'll really like having short hair and just keep it this way!

I am kind of scared that when my hair does grows back in, that it will just be a big puffy mushroom shape... Just like it was in second grade. We just went in for a trim, but it kept getting shorter, and shorter, and shorter, until... Well, you can see the end result.

I haven't had my hair that short ever since that day-until now of course.

(I still look cute though, and well behaved as you can see from the crossed hands in my lap.) There is kind of a resemblance between this photo and the one above, so that gives me some hope that it will look good.

The one thing I am truly excited for when I get my hair back is to be able to put it into a ponytail. Even if it is just a little itty-bitty five haired ponytail. I know that sounds silly, but it just makes me really excited about it when I think about it.

Having one on top of my head like Pebbles is good enough for me. I think that this could be my potential Halloween costume. (Skyler can be Bam Bam. I don't think he'll go for it though. But that's okay, there is still time to convince him.)

Small Hope #4:

Aah yes... This picture sums up what I want my "short hair experience" to be like. The wind gently blowing through my hair, me laughing and smiling, as happy as can be, and Shia-I mean Skyler on my arm looking off into the distance.

This is the biggest hope I have. Just to be happy with short hair. Yes, it will be a grand happy day when my hair comes back.

From what I have been told and have researched about hair after cancer is that it comes back in different. I guess it starts off as kind of like baby fuzz, then eventually thickens. It can come back in a different texture, color, or thickness. The little stubble I have in between treatments is pretty dark, so I think it will be like my dad's hair. His is a really dark brown, almost black color. My hair has always been stick straight and unable to hold curl, so if it grows back in curly, I have no idea what I am going to do.

Even though I am nervous for what will happen with my hair, I know that it will be okay. I will be happy just to have some. I do get sad at times that I am bald, and really wish that I could have my hair back, but it is almost over! I will probably have my hair growing back by October. (Hopefully. Keep your fingers crossed!)

My hair grows pretty fast as well, so maybe I can get some good length in before Winter sets in... I might take pre-natal vitamins to help it grow faster, or find some other way to help it along. (If anyone has any advice on that, please let me know.)

The one thing I have to keep reminding myself is to be patient and to just focus on one day at a time, one week at a time, and then one month at a time. Life is like that though, building upon small goals to reach bigger ones.

Eventually I will get my hair to the length I want it to be, and be able to run my fingers through it yet again. I will be so grateful for when I can have a bad hair day and when I don't have to worry about my Voldemort-like appearance.

You Raise Me Up

Here is a video I found that has inspired me and raised my spirits. I cannot explain enough about how much this applies to me. When I saw it, it was like a huge wave of comfort came over me. After my treatments, my spirits get a little low, but watching this raised them a bit.

Oh Josh, you say it best, "You Raise Me Up!" What a comforting song and message.

I feel like this man. It has been like I have been running a race and have fallen down. I want to finish the race myself, but am struggling a bit. But then my Father in Heaven has reached down and is helping me to finish. It will be painful and a struggle, but having him there with me gives me so much strength. I am so grateful to him for that. I know that he is there, and that he is helping me finish this race. With him, all things are possible.

Eleven Down, One to Go!

So yesterday I completed my 11th treatment. I have one more to go until I am done with the Chemotherapy!! I took the Lorazapan again to help me with the anxiousness and sickness, and it really helped. I still dreaded it, felt a tad sick, and shook a little. But overall I had a much more relaxed feeling. I am grateful for the medicine I have to help me overcome this.

When the nurses saw that I was still a bit antsy, they kept asking me if I took the Lorazapan, I continually had to tell them that I did. Each time they asked I wanted to respond by asking them if they had taken it. I felt fine, and they seemed to be more anxious than me! I guess not though. I guess that distortion might have come from the Lorazapan.

Nurse 1/2/3/4/Doctor Wallentine: Rachel did you remember to take your Adovan/Lorazapan?

Rachel: Hmm... *Gasp! Um... Yes, yes I did. But did you?

But I held my tongue. After all, they are only concerned about me.

I have a certain numbing cream that helps deaden the skin for a time while the nurses access my port. It really helps with the initial poke. I always have to remind them "One inch, don't forget, it is one inch needle." I have to do this because my port is placed lower and deeper than others. I feel bad, because they always grumble about it, but at the same time I'm glad it is lower so that I can hide my scar better.

The downfall of having a deeper port is that they have to push and push all around it and on it to try and find the access point. This hurts really bad. Like someone pushing on a bruise on purpose and then pushing harder and harder. The numbing cream doesn't help too much with that, but Tylenol does a great job of helping with the pain. Thank you modern medicine! One of the nurses who always has trouble with my port told me that each time she sees my name on the paper, she passes it off to someone else. I guess I am a bit of a problem for them.

This time they had more trouble than usual finding the access point. They had to get an inch and a quarter long needle, and three different nurses to finally get it in. But they finally did it. This combined with my high nerves caused me to cry, and after they finally got it, I threw up a bit. (Before this, I was not such a graceful barfer, but now I am proud to say that I can control my spew pretty good. There is a little blessing in disguise.)

They have really kind nurses there. I can tell that they feel bad each time they poke me, but I am glad they are helping me. I try my best to show my appreciation to them by talking to them while they give me the medicine and before I leave. I try to be as happy as I can, and I thank them each time. I think that sometimes by seeing so much hurt in the people that they serve might wear on them, so I try to lighten their day a bit. Service is a wonderful thing. As they serve me, I try my best to serve them. So instead of thinking negatively towards them, I think positively towards them. This really helps my attitude afterwards, and I can see a small burden be lifted off their shoulders.

After my treatment until now, all I have had to eat is some Cous-Cous, a couple swallows of Gatorade, a nibble of Hot Dog, and a bite of Trifle (My dad had to shove this into my mouth, and up my nose until I took the spoon and did it myself. Ever since I was little he has told me, "What you don't eat, we rub in your hair, but lucky for me, I don't have hair! That probably wouldn't have stopped him though...)

So today has not been so well eating wise, but I got fluids yesterday along with my treatment so it will help me strength wise. I just need to get more nutrition than that. It is just really hard to having to force myself to eat when everything makes me feel sick and everything tastes icky. So my goal for this week is to force myself, to force myself to eat. That way I can get my body to be strong. Wish me luck!

Coeur d'Alene Trip

**I apologize yet again for another long post. This is full of pictures and information about my trip though and I wanted to share as much as I could. And if it bores you, then I apologize again. Just stop reading if it does... But I hope you don't. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.**

So I did it! I actually did it. I went to the big C.D.A., and let me tell you, it was great! I can explain it in one word. A-MAZING!!! Alas, there were no gold throwers or balloon giver outer's like I had expected, but that is okay. It was still fun.

There are so many trees up there! I went to Washington last year and had the same reaction about the trees. Kind of like a little kid, "Woah! Look at that one! Holy cow!! I can't believe this is real! There are so many!" I decided that Skyler is like a forest creature or a woodland elf because he lives in a forest. Kind of like a Keebler Elf... Because he lives there, is cute, and sometimes smells like cookies.

It was so beautiful up there. So many lakes, trees, and the temperature was lovely. "Not too hot, not to cold. All you need is a light jacket." You didn't need one though. It was just perfectly comfortable.

I spent a lot of time not only with Skyler, but with his family. They are so great. I am really excited to join the family. I think I will fit in pretty well.

Like I said, I made of list of all of the possible things that we could do up there, and we did practically all of it. There were only a few things that we weren't able to do. But that is okay. We did a lot of fun stuff.

Some of Our "To Do" List:

Fishing

Tandem Bike Ride

Bonfire

Silver Wood

Long Boarding

Art on the Green

Boating

Play Games

Play with Jack

Cafe Chulo

Find the Moose's

Downtown Coeur d'Alene

Watch Movies

Hang out at the Shore

Go to Church

Corn Dogs

See Friends

Float the River

Be With Family

Take Pictures

Here are some of the pictures we took while I was up there. (Sorry, there are a ton... It was just so much fun that I had to keep taking them!)

At the lake during Art on the Green.

Oooh hoo. Skyler in his bright colored shorts.

There were a ton of people at the beach.

We stopped by the Cafe Chulo stand to say hello to everyone. It was lovely.

You can totally see my eyebrow tan line...

Sombrero and an eyebrow tan line. I make them both look good.

We went to Art on the Green and looked at all the fun booths that were there. I totally thought this little mannequin child was real. I felt really embarrassed when I found out it was not...

These are made out of scrap metal from old cars, drums, and other parts.

I found these flowers at the street fair. I wish I could have brought

either these or the metal flowers home for my mom's garden.

The moose and the mouse! I think their names are Milly, and Smudge... But I could be wrong...There are a lot more of them around Coeur d'Alene.

I am determined to find them all and take pictures with them.

There is a children's story about the two of them that is based in Coeur d'Alene. So that is the reason why they are all around.

I got tired of walking, so Skyler pulled me on his long board.

Me long boarding a bit. Mmmm... That was nice.

We had a really cool experience at Art on the Green. As Sky and I were walking around the eating booths, we found this little Filipino stand. Skyler served his mission in the Philippines, so he was really excited to see it.

He walked straight up to them and started talking to them in Tagalog (Ta-ga-log). They were so shocked and excited that an American could speak their dialect. They thought he was a famous person or actor from the Philippines, and said that they were getting goosebumps from talking to him. Their kids can't speak the language, so when they found out that it took him about six months to learn, they looked at them as if to say, "See?! It is not that long. If he can do it you can!" It was really cute.

Sky asked them if they had Adobo-which was his favorite food from down there, but they didn't. But they said if he comes back next year, they will give him food for free. They were very sweet people. It was a nice little experience for Skyler to speak the language again and to interact with native Filipinos like he did for two years. I think it made him really happy.

Skyler so happy with his Filipino food.

The delicious food. It was so good!

Jackson has more hair on his face than I do on my head. I told

him and Aaron that they need to donate it to me and make

a little hairy yamaka for me to wear around.

At Art on the Green this man makes a sand castle that goes all the way to the ground. This is just the top part. He sprays it with glue/water mixture to harden it so that it will stay for a long time. It was super detailed and really cool!

They have para sailing lessons! How cool is that?!

I am putting that on my "After Cancer To Do List."

Randee and Skyler... By the port a potty. My bad.

But they look like they are okay with it.

Darcy and I found a really cool old garage sale, so Skyler took some pictures of me at it. I took this one for my dad because he loves old trucks.

A dog sled! At a garage sale! Saaawheat! Mush, mush, mush!

I have never seen so many old cars in one place in my life.

This one was so cool!

A strawberry hat for my little bald head! I wish that I had bought it!

It was super cute.

Future Anderson Family? I think yes!

Lucky for me, he has a thing for bald girls.

We went out to Skyler's uncles cabin in Washington with his family. I mean like his family, and then his extended family. That's a lot of people to remember! Kind of like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but less extreme.

It was so much fun. There is a national forrest across from where all the houses are, so they can't build on it. There were hardly anybody there, and the water was so clear! You could almost see all the way to the bottom out in the middle of the lake. It was a beautiful day, and I had a really great time spending time with Skyler's extended family.

The "Fee-on-sss." Looking good my man, looking good.

Skyler's shirt got wet, so he "borrowed" mine. It fits him well, Yes?

I totally stole a couple of these photos from Lizzie. My camera died right before we wake-boarded, so I had no other choice but to use her pictures. Thank you Lizzie!

Skyler getting some air.

Ahoy! Bald girl in the water!

Bald people make the best wake-boarders. It is because we are

more aerodynamic. As soon as I got up, I let out an excited

scream and couldn't stop smiling. It was great!

I did pretty good for not going for a year if I do say so myself.

We went to Silver wood! It was so much fun. We spent most of the

time at the water park because it was super hot and the lines for the rides were really long.

I even went on the really high free falling water slides, which I've always

been afraid to do. But I did it! It was great.

I'll be the dip if you'll be the dot!

I love Dippin' Dots.

We decided to take a tandem bike ride...

It resulted in this: Flat front tire and my bum two inches away from the tire. Yes, I rode it with the seat at that angle. Not the most successful bike ride, but, it was really funny and enjoyable though!

We woke up at 5 something in the morning to go fishing. Since I was 1. Supposed to be asleep in my bed, and 2. Fall asleep almost instantly in cars, I slept all the way until we started fishing.

*Side note: It is so hard to write Fish and Fisher instead of Fisch and Fischer. I have to really concentrate on it sometimes.

Blurry picture, but I still think it is pretty. That is a little fisherman's boat.

Just fishing my little heart out.

My first fish!!! It was so exciting. This old man came over to look at my fish, and seeing that it was so small, made fun of me by sarcastically saying, "That's a beauty," or "She caught a real big one didn't she?" But it was fine. He didn't catch anything. So what does that tell you?

Become one with the fish, and you can catch your prey.

Number 4/6. Oh yeah! I caught more than everyone.

Thank you very much!

Skyler's first fish... Tiny isn't it?

Dan's first catch... Nice.

Skyler Lee Anderson "Fi(sc)herman" at your service!

Some Of What We Did:

Day 1:Drove up with Jackson and his family, Cafe Chulo with Family, Watched Avatar.

Day 2:Cabin at the lake, Boating and Wake-Boarding.

Day 3:Art on the Green, Longboarding, Played the "Golf Game," Hung out with Family.

Day 4: Art on the Green, Lake, Barbeque, Hung out with Family.

Day 5:Church, Tandem Bike Ride, Dan & Val's house for dinner.

Day 6: Fishing, Family Home Evening, Bachelorette Finale.

Day 7: Silver Wood, Texas Road House.

Day 8: Air port, Traveled Home (wa, wa, wa...)

I can't believe you grew up in this Sky! It is so beautiful! Thank you for a lovely week, and for giving me the strength to be able to go back and face my last couple treatments. You are amazing. Thanks for staying with me, and for everything you do. I loved being with you in Coeur d'Alene! It was the best vacation ever!

I am not looking forward to going back to reality, and having a relationship with my phone, but I am grateful for the technology to talk to Skyler. This trip has given me the extra "uuomph" I needed. Onward I go!