I Can't Wait to Have a Bad Hair Day

For the majority of the twenty (almost one-holy cow!) years I have been alive, I have had long hair. Oh there have been a few chops here and there, but nothing really too extreme, like say... Shaving your head on a regular basis. So it has been very hard to get used to having no hair.

Rewind: Here is a glimpse of the adorable child I was in Kindergarten. Complete with luscious long locks. Aren't I just the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Now fast forwarding: Here is a little looksie at what I looked like just two years ago. Yes, times have changed. I look just a smidge of an inch different than I did at the end of high school.

Do you see that beautifully long, luscious, honey nut brown hair? Oh how I miss it... Doesn't just one look make you want to reach out and touch it? I know it does for me! This was about the length I was going for before I got sick. I am hoping to eventually get it back to that length after my hair grows back.

Since I cannot instantly put my hair back into place, I shall be patient, and have smaller hopes and goals until the day when I can finally have my luscious locks back where they belong-attached firmly to my scalp.

Small Hope #1:

I hope that when my hair begins to grow back, that it will look like Natalie Portman's after she shaved it for V for Vendetta. See how pretty she looks with just a bit of stubble? Hopefully I will look as good as her, or better. Either one works for me! Just as long as I can rock the fuzz.

See? Even when it is growing back in, she looks lovely!

Small Hope #2:

Ultimately I really want my hair to look like Carrey Mulligan's. You might recognize her as Kitty from the newer Pride and Prejudice and also as Shia Lebeouf's girlfriend. She chopped her hair off, and it looks so darling. I hope that I can get mine to look like hers while my hair is in the "in between-new hair/fuzz-new texture-new color-phase."

Small Hope #3:

This is what I hope my hair looks like after the awkward stages of hair growth. I think that it will look really cute. Maybe this will be the length my hair will be when I get married. And who knows, maybe I'll really like having short hair and just keep it this way!

I am kind of scared that when my hair does grows back in, that it will just be a big puffy mushroom shape... Just like it was in second grade. We just went in for a trim, but it kept getting shorter, and shorter, and shorter, until... Well, you can see the end result.

I haven't had my hair that short ever since that day-until now of course.

(I still look cute though, and well behaved as you can see from the crossed hands in my lap.) There is kind of a resemblance between this photo and the one above, so that gives me some hope that it will look good.

The one thing I am truly excited for when I get my hair back is to be able to put it into a ponytail. Even if it is just a little itty-bitty five haired ponytail. I know that sounds silly, but it just makes me really excited about it when I think about it.

Having one on top of my head like Pebbles is good enough for me. I think that this could be my potential Halloween costume. (Skyler can be Bam Bam. I don't think he'll go for it though. But that's okay, there is still time to convince him.)

Small Hope #4:

Aah yes... This picture sums up what I want my "short hair experience" to be like. The wind gently blowing through my hair, me laughing and smiling, as happy as can be, and Shia-I mean Skyler on my arm looking off into the distance.

This is the biggest hope I have. Just to be happy with short hair. Yes, it will be a grand happy day when my hair comes back.

From what I have been told and have researched about hair after cancer is that it comes back in different. I guess it starts off as kind of like baby fuzz, then eventually thickens. It can come back in a different texture, color, or thickness. The little stubble I have in between treatments is pretty dark, so I think it will be like my dad's hair. His is a really dark brown, almost black color. My hair has always been stick straight and unable to hold curl, so if it grows back in curly, I have no idea what I am going to do.

Even though I am nervous for what will happen with my hair, I know that it will be okay. I will be happy just to have some. I do get sad at times that I am bald, and really wish that I could have my hair back, but it is almost over! I will probably have my hair growing back by October. (Hopefully. Keep your fingers crossed!)

My hair grows pretty fast as well, so maybe I can get some good length in before Winter sets in... I might take pre-natal vitamins to help it grow faster, or find some other way to help it along. (If anyone has any advice on that, please let me know.)

The one thing I have to keep reminding myself is to be patient and to just focus on one day at a time, one week at a time, and then one month at a time. Life is like that though, building upon small goals to reach bigger ones.

Eventually I will get my hair to the length I want it to be, and be able to run my fingers through it yet again. I will be so grateful for when I can have a bad hair day and when I don't have to worry about my Voldemort-like appearance.