Recent Photographs

This post is just full of recent pictures. Most are from the photography class I took recently. The others I took on my computer with my adorable nephew Bryce.

My friend Josie from school sent me some flowers!

She is the cutest girl you will meet. She is also from Canada.

Which gives me even more reasons to adore that country.

I have been taking a photography class so that I can be kind of familiar with it when I take the classes up at BYU Idaho. I know that they are not amazingly fantastic, but I am relatively pleased with how they turned out, and I think I got steadily better each with each lesson. It made me really excited for the classes I'll take at school, and the chance to get better.

We went out to this cool farm for my class, and this on the

side of one of the sheds. It was so neat.

My studly little brother. He was quite cooperative as a model.

Thanks Spud!

I repeat. He was very cooperative. This was on main street and he was

a bit embarrassed because all the cars passing by could see him.

The Baboo. Isn't he just the cutest little bug? The answer is yes.

Dearest Bethany shining in all her newly married glory.

These last few shots are of the instructors niece and friend who came to model for my class. I hope it is okay that I put their pictures on my blog. But I figured if they came to my class to be photographed, then they won't mind that I show the pictures that I took. Plus I didn't sign anything that said I wouldn't display my work, so I think it is okay.

So there you have it. Just some recent pictures that have found their way to my photo library. I am really hoping that I can get better at taking pictures, and one day be a world famous photographer and have everyone wanting to hire me to take pictures. Ha, probably not, but I still would like to get better at it.

Oh, and don't I look oh so cute with my little bald head? I think I'm pretty cute if I do say so myself. Yes sir, I am a mighty fine looking bald girl.

Dearest Mumsie and Popsicle

I would just like to say that I am so grateful to my parents for all that they do for me. Not just because they are taking care of me while I am sick, but because of everything else they have done and do for me now. I mean, they raised me to be the amazing person I am today! That means that they are incredibly amazing themselves.

They are so loving, caring, understanding, patient, and a whole lot more complimentary adjectives that don't give them the proper justice they deserve. I would not be the person I am today without them. I love them so very much. They have done so much for me, and I am so very grateful to them. I know that they were put as my parents for a reason, and I am so very glad they were. Thanks Mom and Dad! I love you!

My lovely parents. Now you can see why I am so good looking.
I don't know how I could get through this without them.

Answer! I couldn't.

Canceritis and Inspiration

If you have ever heard the term "Senioritis," then you will know that it is a serious condition in which seniors in high school get particularly antsy, sick of school, moody, and just want to give up and not do anything right around the last little bit of their high school career. I have a similar condition. But instead of it being Senioritis, I have Canceritis.

It has come down to me having three more treatments, and I'm about as antsy as piece of fallen food near an ant hill. I am just plain ready to be done with all of this. And as much as I hate to admit it, I am a bit moody. My moods are like a roller-coaster. Every other minute is like a different twist or turn. My poor parents... They put up with me so well. "Thanks Mom! Thanks Dad!"

This antsiness gives way to feelings of annoyance, frustration, and impatience. All of these words I wish didn't apply to me but they do. And that makes me even more annoyed. So as I was laying in my bed being annoyed and antsy, I remembered something that made me feel better about my situation.

My dear friend had cancer as a child and I had the opportunity to visit with his lovely mother. She heard that I had been diagnosed with cancer and wanted to share with me their experience. With her she brought a letter that he had written to me. He is on his mission, or else he would have come as well. It was such a nice experience to read the letter. In it he told me he knew he was thinking of me and knew how I was feeling. Then he went on to say the part that was so comforting to me:

"The path ahead is not an easy one but from it you will gain an experience of a lifetime. I don't know how ready I would be to deal with cancer again but I wouldn't trade the memories, both good and bad, for anything in the world. Rachel, although you may not see it now, through your experience you will be given a unique perspective of life and will grow in so many ways."

This may not have the same effect on you that it does on me, but I still think that it is something to share. Having him tell me those things was so comforting. After reading it again tonight, almost all of my anxiety has gone away. I know that is going to be okay.

His cancer was much worse than mine, and he had to go through a lot more treatment than I will have to. Despite all that, he came out on top. You would never know by looking at him that he had been sick.

Being on this side of cancer and looking at him, gives me such great hope that everything will be okay. I can be like him after this is over and have the same outlook on life. I can't wait to be on the same side of cancer as him. I hope I can be as strong as he is. He is a such an inspiration to me.

So even though I have a severe case Canceritis, I am going to keep pushing through until it is over. I only have three left. It is going to be hard, but I can do it. I can be like him. I'm going to beat this, and hopefully become as great a person as he his.

Thank you my dear friend!

Chemo Brain- Yes, another long post...

So I thought it would be appropriate for me to explain something that has been very prominent in my life. I want to explain it so that people can understand and see a little glimpse of what I am going through.

Lately I have been frustrated with the fact that I have Chemo Brain up the wazoo. It is ridiculous. I promise that it's a real thing. Click here and you shall see that the American Cancer Society says it is, so you know that I am not just making it up. (I belong to the society now, as in that I am American, and I have cancer. It is like a club. Just kidding.)

What is Chemo Brain you may ask? Well I shall tell you.

(I copied and pasted these from the linked website above, then you shall see that I added my own little side note description as well-hence the italics. It's amazing how truly accurate the list is.)

The effects of Chemo Brain are as follows:

• Forgetting things that they usually have no trouble recalling -- memory lapses. I will be talking and then all of the sudden, everything applying to that subject or relating to it goes away. It's almost like my mind is like a key in the ignition, but the engine won't turn over.
• Trouble concentrating -- they can't focus on what they're doing. It is a huuuge mental struggle to focus on even little things.
• Trouble remembering details like names, dates, and sometimes larger events. It is like when people say, "Oh it's on the tip of my tongue..." You know it, and you know you know it, but instead of having it eventually come to the tip of your tongue and burst out of your mouth, it just stays at the back of your throat teasing you and frustrating the crap out of you.
• Trouble multi-tasking, like answering the phone while cooking, without losing track of one of them -- less ability to do more than one thing at a time. Because of the huge mental effort to do one little thing it is hard to do another hard little thing at the same time. This is super frustrating because I am usually quite a good multi-tasker.
• Taking longer to finish things -- slower thinking and processing.This is really hard to deal with at work.
• Trouble remembering common words -- can't finish a sentence because you can't find the right words. *Insert "der, der, der" noise here.

Imagine all of these symptoms happening to you. All day, every day, every hour, and every minute. Then add to that the fact that you are sick, stressed, tired, trying to live a normal life, engaged, working, bald, lonely, hungry all the time but can't eat because things taste nasty, an over thinking worry wart, and a whole lot of other stuff going on in your already exhausted mind.

(Holy snot, I sound like a really bad health infomercial. "If you have these symptoms, please call this number. We can help you in your struggle against chemo brain.") Are you imagining it? Well are you? Good, that's better. Now that you have imagined it and have gotten in the mindset, you have a slight glimpse of what it is like up there in my mind. A bit exhausting and frustrating.

It is like I have to make a huge mental effort for every thought I have. I feel like a mentally disabled person. (I have actually never been one myself, but this is what I imagine they feel like.) I am actually an intelligent person. (Yes, extremely goofy people can be intelligent.) I get frustrated that I cannot convey that I really am smart.

I also can't keep up with conversations. My conversations have become short and sweet in that I just say small non-detailed things when I talk to people to avoid feeling lame. (But then after I think that the person I am talking to thinks I am uninteresting.... Wrong! I am quite the interesting person.) This whole mental fogginess makes me feel so stupid and self conscious. I guess I should not really care about what the person I am talking to is thinking about me, but I do...

Since I am such a Harry Potter geek, I shall tell you that having Chemo Brain makes me feel like I am the character Luna, often times called "Loony" Lovegood. If you have read the books, you know what I am talking about. If you have not, shame on you. Just seeing the movies doesn't help you fully grasp the amazing luster of J.K. Rowling's imagination. But it is okay. I forgive you of your lack of Harry Potter knowledge.

To help you out a bit I shall tell you that Luna is this really odd girl that is almost "air head" like and just off in her own world. No one really understands her. She is just perceived as a crazy girl. She is really smart though. Being in Ravenclaw and all-that is the smart house she is in- but she is just a little off. So that is kind of how I feel. Miss. Loony Ann Fischer at your service!

I could go on, and on about how my mind is all screebobbled, but I don't want to- ah I'm having a chemo brain moment right now.... What is the word? What is the word?!..... Drag on? Rant? Ramble? That is the word! Ramble!-I don't want to ramble on on and on saying "Oh no, woe is me, my brain is broke! All the kings horses, and all the kings men, couldn't put Rachel together again." Plus, I'll feel like I am complaining about it and being snotty if I do. So I won't. I just hope that this post gave a little glimpse of how my brain is right now.

Ha, I'll probably keep on saying "Sorry, chemo brain" when I stumble upon a brain fart after I am all better. You guys will too after you have read this and have read the symptoms and listened to my bad health infomercial. You will self diagnose yourself with it. I just know it.

PET Scan Results

As I said earlier, I got my PET scan, and I received the results of the scan yesterday at my doctor's appointment. It wasn't my usual doctor, it was another one. (Doctor Wallentine was off at scout camp, so I got Doctor Smith.) He looked like a cross between Professor Dumbledore and Bert from Mary Poppins. He even had a bow tie. He was very nice-I don't see how you couldn't be if you are wearing a bow tie. I think we should all try it sometime. He told me that the cancer is gone, or almost gone. There are only a few tiny spots left that will go away within the next treatments. There is a slight chance that I will have to receive radiation though. The good news is, that I will only have to have the three more treatments and no more than that!! I am almost done! It still has not completely hit me that I am almost done, but it will shortly. I am still kind of out of it from my treatment yesterday.

I was so scared to go in yesterday, I was fine up until the moment that I had to go into the office. I sat there with Jenna and it seemed like it took forever for the nurse to come call my name to get my blood drawn (this is making me sick to even write about this, but I shall continue.) but at the same time I didn't want her to. She finally did and I went and picked a seat. I started shaking really bad because I was so nervous and the anticipation was killing me. I got super sick again when they flushed me, but luckily I had a barf bag on hand. After that, we went back into the doctor's office to wait and wait we did. It took him a long time to come, but when he did it was all good news. I'm so glad I had Jenna there with me to write down all the notes and to actually help me understand what he was saying. I didn't know this, but Jenna had brought those little party blowers, and after we were done talking to the doctor she pulled them out and we celebrated. It was cute. I love my sister. Have I ever mentioned that? Because I do. Very dearly.

Then we went back into the chemo room to get my treatment, and I got sick again. But what is great is that they have a little thing called Fenogrin. Oh that is a life saver. It took away the nausea, and I fell asleep-not to mention a little loopy. It knocked me out good. I slept through my treatment, and when I got home, I was out.

Today I have been really out of it as well. Just sick, and very sleepy. This cancer thing really takes toll on my body. But at least the medicine is working! I am very happy to hear that. I went to my dear friend Melissa's reception this evening, and it was so beautiful. She was a lovely bride. She was one of the very first friends I made when I moved to Springville. I have grown up with her and I am so glad to see that my childhood friend is happy with her new husband. I am so excited to get married next year and to be sealed to Skyler. I am so close!! (See it is starting to hit me more, I'm almost done!)

I am so blessed to live in a time where modern medicine can help me and others like me become well. I am so blessed to have the gospel in my life so that I might know that I can live with my family after this life and become like God. I am so very, completely and utterly blessed. I can't even explain it. I am so grateful for this time that I can get better and learn and grow. I can't believe this is almost over. I am going to need my Father in Heaven more than ever for these last few rounds. I know he is there and that he is going to help me. All I have to do is go to him and rely on him and his love. I know that he loves me. He will not abandon me. Even when all seems lost, he is there. I am never alone. All is well.

Another Recent Happening...

I forgot to say another thing that happened. A very exciting, yet hard thing.

My roommate Bethany got married and I got to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. My other roommate Camille came out from Texas to be a bridesmaid as well and we got to hang out. It was really fun and also a little hard. I felt really self-conscious with my chemo weight, how I look, and my wig. I was also a bit envious of her, and excited for her at the same time.

I only had one little break down though where I only cried for like 30 seconds. After that I was better. It was good to have Camille there with me. She calmed me down and understood how I was feeling.

Despite the hard part, it was good to support Bethany. I saw her today, and she is so happy and peaceful. It was good to see her. We decided that when Sky and I get married that we are going to go on double dates and go to the temple together as couples. It will be way fun.

I am really proud of myself for pushing through such a hard thing and having a really good time. It really gave me something to look forward to and I am excited to plan my own wedding. As I was going through this, I heard my dad's voice in my head saying what he always would say to me when I was younger, "We can do hard things." Now I know I really can do hard things. I mean I have cancer! That is super hard. But I can do this. It is okay. I can still enjoy life, and support my friends and look forward to the exciting things that are yet to come.

Here are some pictures from her wedding. Yes, I am a bit goofy in some of them, but then, when am I not a little goofy?

Me and Camdizzle Bridesmaiding it up

Me and Camille. Her eyes are ridiculously blue, and her

lashes are like an inch long. No joke. She is beautiful!!

I totally messed up the picture... I thought we

were doing a goofy shot. But it is cute.

Me and Bethany! She was so beautiful!!

Waiting for Bethany outside of the temple. We are so cute.

My wig looked quite nice if I do say so myself.

Recent Happenings...

It has been a while since I last posted so I thought I would do a little update and get my thoughts out there. A lot of things have happened since my last post, such as I got another treatment, I saw Skyler, and I got my PET Scan!!

My treatments have steadily gotten a little worse each time with the reactions I get. Remember when I said that when I get the flush for my drugs I get a bad smell in my mouth? Well this time I actually got physically sick. Twice. It was not enjoyable. But I got some good nausea medicine so it was okay. It knocked me out reeeaal good. I slept and slept and slept.

After I was feeling better from my treatment, I went up to Rexburg. And why did I go on this little escapade? I went to go talk in Skyler's Marriage Prep class. It was so much fun to go up there and talk to them about our experience as a couple and to actually be back in the 'burg. His teacher even took our slide show I made and talked about us in the next class. Some people came up to us and said that we were so great and that they loved us. We were celebrities for a day. It was a great feeling. Plus, I got to see Skyler!! Oh it was great. I had a lot of fun hanging out with him and being in Rexburg when it wasn't below zero. People actually go outside and enjoy themselves there! Who would've known?! I even balded it up while I was there. I figure, I don't have anything to hide or be ashamed of, so why should I put on a scarf or a hat? The answer is, I shouldn't. So I embraced my bald little head and enjoyed the nice cool breeze. It was really fun to hang out in Rexburg and see all my friends who are up there right now.

One thing that was bad, was that I have really bad chemo brain right now, so I can't really think clearly and things come slower to me. I feel kind of stupid a lot of the time, but I am working hard on my brain activity. Despite my chemo brain, I did well in Sky's class.

After Rexburg, me and Skyler came down for the Fourth of July, and a nice little weekend. It was really fun to hang out with him. We hung out with Kyle and Lindsey and saw Toy Story 3. It was so stinking cute, and we had a lot of fun with them. Here are some pictures I took of Sky while he was here. I am taking a photography class, so he was my homework for the week.

Hubba, hubba, future hubby.

See how much fun we were having?

Oooh yeah. He is super cute.

So had a great time with Sky. It was hard to have him leave to go back to Rexburg, but I am planning on going up to see him in Coeur d'Alene soon so it will be okay. It was just good to see him and to be able to spend time with him. It really boosted my energy and confidence that everything is going to be all okay very soon.

I spent time with my sister Jenna this week while my parents have been out of town. It was really nice to do that because she is moving away to New York soon with her husband for medical school. Curse you Brett and your smart brain! I am actually really excited for them even though they will be super far away. But they will enjoy being out there. But we went to Brett's families house to set off fireworks and it was a lot of fun.

One of the fireworks for the Fourth of July.

I was super excited because I figured out how to work

my camera for my class and to get a good picture.

Now for some exciting medical news. I got finally got my PET scan. I was really nervous to go because the last one they had trouble with the IV, but this time the technician got it in the first time and was really nice. He warned me when the Saline flush so I could plug my nose. I also didn't get too sick when I had to drink the contrast that mixes with the radioactive stuff that they put into the IV. I stayed really still while they sent me through the scanner. The tech said since I did that, the images will be really clear for the radiologist.

Now that I have had my scan, now all I have to do is just hope and pray that the results are good. I have a good feeling, but I am also preparing myself for if the doctor says that I have to have more chemo or that I have to have radiation. Tomorrow really is the deciding day... It is really nerve-racking to think about because it could change my life as it is now. I could actually start making plans for my wedding and prepare to go back to school and do other things in my life. But if not, then I shall just go forward with faith and continue my routine. But if all goes well tomorrow, then I will only have three more treatments!! So prayers and faith are greatly appreciated at this time. (Hint, hint.)

I have faith that everything will be okay no matter the results. I am truly blessed. I feel my testimony growing, and I feel like I am progressing even though I have cancer and I can't do everything I wish I could. I am developing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I am becoming a better person and maturing. I look back on how I was before this and I feel like I have grown so much in such a short amount of time. I really am grateful to God for providing me a time to do so. I know that this is for my good and I can't wait to be able to become a even better person after this. Wish me luck!!!

I'm allergic to Cancer

This last week I have had allergies up the wazoo. I don't know what was in the air, but I have not gotten a reaction that bad in years. I had a fever, a clogged head and nose, and a cough. I felt like I was in a cloud all the time. I even lost my voice from coughing and the congestion. My coworkers thought I had laryngitis and that I was dying in my cubicle I'm sure. Skyler couldn't even recognize that it was me on the phone it was so bad! Thankfully my temperature never got to 101 or else I would have had to go to the hospital. But it is okay, the rain that we have been having is washing whatever was in the air away from my nose.

Yesterday I completed my seventh treatment. I have five more! It was a really hard treatment to go to. I really do not like going and getting the actual poke and medicine. The smell in my mouth has gotten bad and brings me close to vomiting. So I make sure to have a mint present. I had been having an off week-not only with my allergies, but with my spirits. I was really not looking forward to treatment, was super lonely and really scared to get treatment.

I have made a goal that throughout this time I will go to the temple every time before I get treated. The decision to go has really given me strength. (It was a struggle to go at first because I was down a bit and just in a "wa wa waaa" mood, but my mom helped me get going. Thank you Momma!)

This is my lovely mother and I right before I left Rexburg and started my treatments. Ain't she pretty? I tell you one thing. I am certainly blessed to have this woman in my life.

This particular visit gave me a lot of help. I prayed to God to have comfort-and to as selfish as this is, not to taste the bad taste and smell. And you know what? He listened and answered my prayer. He helped me out and I didn't taste it! All because of my because of my ALLERGIES! He knew what I needed and was preparing my body for the treatment long before I asked for help. All I had to do was ask. I thought that they were a not so pleasant thing at the time where I was going through cough drops, sounding like a bald man, and making my way through a pack of tissues like nobody's business. But I was sure grateful for them at that moment when the nurse was injecting me with my "poison mocktail."

It really is amazing how much Heavenly Father loves us and knows what we need. This week, He knew that allergies would help me. He gave me a wonderful mother to help me through this and give me strength. He has given me a fiancé that cheers me up and by making me laugh and think more clearly and positively. He made it so that I found my cancer quickly and put things in order for me to get treated.

He helps guide our lives in ways to make us grow. I have grown from this so much already and found many things to be grateful for. I am grateful that I have a chance to get better. I certainly do not enjoy the process, but I am grateful for it.

There I go again, doing another talk, but oh well. It is the truth. God is with me, as he is with everyone in the world. He loves us and wants the best for us. He knows what we need and helps guides and directs us-his children. Most of all, he loves us more than we can even comprehend or imagine. And that, will never change.

I have all of these songs from primary going through my head right now that all have the same theme. That I am a child of God and he loves me. He sent me here to learn and grow. How amazing is that?! Seriously. Who doesn't want to know that someone is out there who loves them and who knows them perfectly, and who can help them grow to become their very best? I know that I do.

The one song that has always given me strength though, is not a primary song, but a lullaby my dad would sing to me when I was little and restless. (Okay, he has sung it to me when I was a teenager and also when I was in college, there I admit it. I'm such a daddy's girl. :)) It is from the musical "My Turn on Earth." It helps show me that I am not alone and that I am loved. Above all, it gives me peace.

Angel Lullaby

You came from a land where all is light

to a world half day and a world half night.

To guide you by day, you have my love,

To guard you by night, your friends above.

So sleep, sleep, till the darkness ends,

guarded by your angel friends.

So sleep, sleep, till the darkness ends,

guarded by your angel friends.

There's one stands softly by your bed

and another sits close with a hand on your head.

There's one at the window watching for the dawn,

and one waits to wake you when the night is gone.

So sleep, sleep, till the darkness ends,

guarded by your angel friends.

So sleep, sleep, till the darkness ends,

guarded by your angel friends.

My nephew's reaction..

I forgot to include super cute things that happened with my nephew's concerning my bald head in my "Bald as a Cue-Ball post."

First, when my youngest nephew Bryce saw my freshly shaven head, he looked at me with confusion and then burst into tears. It was really cute, and expressed a little bit of what I was thinking.

Second, the second youngest Jack doesn't really talk, but could not understand where my hair was. He kept pointing to my head, then to his hair, then back to mine, then with a cute little shrug and smile, he'd lift his hands like saying "Where is your hair Aunt Rachel? Did you lose it? I have mine, where is yours?" He really liked this game. It was really cute. Then he saw our picture of apple picking season and so when he would point to my head, he'd say apple. So instead of being bald as a cue-ball, I am as bald as an apple.

Third, I asked my oldest nephew Michael if I had scared him with my bald head and he said, "No, you didn't scare me, you just freaked me out." Ha, then I asked him where he thought my hair had gone, and he told me "I thought it grew back into your head!" Ha ha. SO cute. I wish my hair had just gone back in! I told him that it had fallen out because of the medicine and cancer, and then he told me all about white blood cells and how they will make me better. It was adorable.

So there you go. Those are my nephew's reactions. They are super cute and oh so much fun.

Bald as a Cue-Ball

I guarantee that almost 95% of women while doing their morning routine think to themselves, "I wish that I was bald. Life would be so much easier." But in actuality they don't really intend to shave off their luscious locks of silky long hair. They would be freaked out at the fact of having their hair fall out. I know I was in this category, and I did freak out a little when I was told that my hair would fall out.

Before I found out that I had cancer I was really excited that my hair was finally starting to get long again, so that by the time I got married, it would be about as long as it was right about before I chopped it at the end of High School. (I was almost there last summer but then I got antsy and chopped it again...) But then when I found out that I was sick, that goal went out the window.

For me, losing my hair wasn't as traumatic as they depict it in the movies. It was really hard when I would pull out big chunks when I was washing or brushing my hair. I just felt self conscious all the time, and felt like I was a molting chicken. I pictured myself like one of those birds who run into a wall and all their feathers go POOF! I went through a lot of lint roller sheets to stay clean, but as soon as I moved, more hair would appear all over my clothes. So it became more of an annoyance. I chopped it way short, and then buzzed it off. It was relieving in a way to have my hair gone after that.

I was so scared that I was going to look like I was on the movie "The Witches," or that I had a crater head. I actually have a pretty nice head, like Demi Moore or Natalie Portman. They are beautiful ladies.I mean come on, not everyone can pull off the bald look, but they sure can! So I am putting myself in that category as well. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it is hard not to have hair, but I have come up a list of advantages of being bald:

1. Quick Shower.
2. Easy to clean-no greasy roots.
3. No brushing or blow drying.
4. Convenient
5. I get to change my look every day. Wig, Scarf, Hat, Bald, or Headband?
6. Ultimate cooling device during the summer.
7. I get to be a pirate every day.
8. Built in Halloween costume-Uncle Fester.
9. I look like Lord Voldemort, therefore I have magical powers and people fear and revere me.
10. I get head massages all the time.
11. It is fun to touch.
12. Hardly any shaving (it does grow back a little bit in between treatments).
13. My weight is less than if I did have hair.
14. A chance to even out my tan.
15. If buffed and shiny, I make a good mirror.
16. It is a great conversation piece/starter.
17. I get a lot of attention.
18. I get to start fresh with new hair. It might grow back in curly or maybe a different color! How sweet is that?
19. I get to look tough like Vin Diesel.
20. Everyone wishes that they could be like me.

I'm sure I could come up with more advantages of being bald, but 20 seems like enough for now. I'll keep adding to it for sure. (If you have any, let me know).

So ultimately, my wish and everyone else's wish of wanting to be bald for a easier life came true! Oh, I am a lucky girl.So while everyone in the world is combing their luscious locks and wishing that they could be bald, I buff and stroke my head, then get to enjoy the cool breeze running across my white and slightly freckled head. Who knows, maybe I'll keep shaving my head for the rest of my life because I am so darn cute. Ha, probably not, but still, it is always an option. But one thing is for sure, I ain't gonna be a bald bride. Ha, I'm excited to see what I will look like with hair again. I don't think me or anyone else will recognize me.

Life is wonderful.

It has been awhile since I last posted, but I thought I would take the opportunity to do so now. I am just going to ramble and give all the news in my head.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

First of all, I have an announcement. A glorious announcement:

I have officially reached my halfway mark!!!!

*Insert celebratory noise and victory dance here.

I am so so so very excited. It gives me an extra boost of confidence. I have reached the top of the mountain and now I am on my way down. I pray that I will not have to do more than 12 treatments, but if I do, I will take them and they will cure me! I am most definitely a blessed young lady. How fortunate am I that I have health care, friends and family, and most importantly, a Father in Heaven who loves me and who is looking out for me.

Recent Happenings:

This last week, my brother and his family came out from Missouri and spent about a week with my family. It was so nice to see them. He and his wife came to my treatment with me and talked to me while I received my Chemo. They are amazing. I look up to them and love them very much. Seriously, I have always wanted to be like my brother ever since I was little, and his wife is the most amazing woman I have ever met. I hope that I can be like her when I get married and "when I grow up."

Not only did I get to enjoy the company of my family, I got to see Skyler! I had not seen him for about a month and a half, and let me tell you it was quite difficult. But, Skype, texting, and phone calls helped a lot during that time. He gave me so much strength and happiness. Even though I was sick, he sat with me and entertained me. I was having such a nice time that I didn't feel as sick as I usually do. It was a wonderful treatment weekend.

Learning and Growing in the Face of Adversity:

It is very annoying/frustrating/disheartening/disappointing to have to put my life on hold because of my illness, but I am trying my best to cope with it. It has been hard because so many of my friends are getting married, having babies, and doing amazing things with their lives. I admit, I have bawled like a small child when I think of how at this time I cannot have these things when they are all that I want. But then I realize that I am just wallowing. It does not help me get better to feel sorry for myself, or to be jealous of others. (It is okay to be sad at times, but not majority of your time). I tell you one thing though, one of the huge things that I am learning from this is patience. Holy smokes am I learning patience. The other day after one of my crying sessions, I decided that I am willing and ready to be patient. It is helping me to actually decide to do so instead of just hoping that I can learn it. I am willing to learn how and am going to. I am so glad and grateful to be learning this trait. It is helping me to become a better person.

Finding Comfort:

In reality, I will eventually have these things. Right now I have an opportunity to prepare more for them. In the eternal scheme of things, it is all going to be okay. I am not yet as Job. This is just a small moment in my life. I have found great comfort from Doctrine and Covenants, Section 121:7-10. This is where Joseph Smith is in Liberty Jail and cries out to God, and God answers him:

"7) My son, peace be unto thy soul,
thine adversity and thine afflictions
shall be but a small moment;
8)And then, if thou endure it well,

God shall exalt thee on high; thou
shalt triumph over all thy foes.
9)Thy friends do stand by thee,
and they shall hail thee again with
warm hearts and friendly hands.
10)Thou are not yet as Job; thy
friends do not contend against thee,
neither charge thee with transgression,
as they did with Job."

I feel like I am teaching a lesson, or giving a talk at church by including that in this post, but I feel that it is important to share this with anybody who sees fit to read this blog. God is with me, just like he was with Job and Joseph Smith. He helped them in their time of trial, and he is helping me. Sure, I have Cancer, but there are a lot more unfortunate things that could happen to me. I am going to keep having faith in my Father in Heaven and keep remembering that Christ atoned for my pains and sins. I am such a blessed person. This is just a small moment in the eternal scheme of things.

Resolution:

I am going to hold my head high, and try my best to be patient and positive-which I admit, I am not the best at at times. I refuse to let this small ailment get the better of me. There is too many wonderful things in life to enjoy, and I intend to do just that. Enjoy my life. There is no other option than that. I would be hindering my growth and development-which is something that I do not want to happen, and will try my best not to let it happen.

I cannot wait for the day when Dr. Wallentine finally says, "You are FREEEE!! You're CURED!! NO MO' CHEMO!!" He probably won't say it like that, but I imagine him to do so and dance around the room with me. Until then, I shall patiently wait.

In conclusion to my very long post, here is the poem "Invictus." It gives me strength to read it. PS: The last two lines are my favorite.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.